Nothing in particular

Yesterday I went out to dinner with some of my friends here in the Shelter, Magda, Samira and Cecilia. We went to a pizzeria. It was a lot of fun and we had such a funny waiter.
He talked to us about car racing and Cecilia said:
"We don't know anything about that stuff because we are females"
Then the waiter said: "you have e-mail?"
"No, we are females"
"I used to like females!"
"Oh, then what do you like now?"
I don't think we got an answer to that, but is was really funny.


And now for something completely different:
Did you know that when you spread your arms to your side, like the Vitruvian man, and measure the distance between the fingertips of your right and your left hand that it will be the same as your height? I heard this once before and yesterday evening Samira and I did some scientific research to see if it was true. And it was! We came to the conclusion that God must be pretty cool to create us like that!

The Swedish Chef

I just love the Swedish Chef, he's so funny! Bork, bork, bork!
This is his recipe for chocolate mooose. Very lekker. We always use this recipe in our hostel!

Noo, toodie wee well meg dee chocolate mooose.

Step oone, geet a five-pound block oof chocolate.

(5 lb. chocolate hefted onto table. THUNK!)

Step twoo, get dee mooose. Heer, mooosee mooosee mooosee mooosee!

(Moose walks into kitchen.)

Step three, put dee mooose een dee bleender.

(Moose looks quizically as chef puts moose in blender, head first. Vreee! Vreee! Vruuunk!)

Nuutice: dee bleender cun't hundel dee entlers. Put dee entlers een last.

(Chef reverses moose, puts back in blender. Moose raises front legs in "why me?" gesture. Vreee! Vreee! Vruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunknknknknk.)

Chef pulls antlers out of blender.

Seeve dee entlers, yoo cun use dem fur furks.

Steep three: cuut chocolate eentoo leetle bite-size peeces. Heer, we uuse a cleever.

(Attempts to chop chocolate block with meat cleaver, but only succeeds in breaking the cleaver.)

Dees is guud chocolate. Weell, eef at furst yuu dun't succeed, pass dee buck. Get dee asseesteent. Aseesteent!

(Miss Piggy, in chef's hat and apron, enters kitchen.)

Asseesteent, pulees cuut dee chocolate eentoo leedle bite-size peeces.

(Miss Piggy karate-chops chocolate block into little pieces, leaving chocolate all over counter.)

Theenk yooo, asseestent.

(Miss Piggy leaves. Chef uses dustpan and broom to collect chocolate pieces.)

Steep fuur, put chocolate een weeth mooose, und bleend egen.

(Dumps chocolate into blender, and turns it on. He has forgotten to place the lid on the blender, however, and chocolate moose begins to cover the chef and his kitchen.)

Allweeys remembur oone uf twoo theengs. Eether puut dee leed on dee bleender, ur meg shuur det yuur diiners ur een dee keetchen.

(Collects chocolate moose from his apron using his finger, then tastes it.)

Uum! Dees ees guud mooosee!!!

Sounds good, right?

My bike!

Oh my everything! My bike got stolen today!!!
Or so I thought...
My second lock hasn't been working well so I locked my bike just once tonight, thinking it would be okay. But this afternoon I discovered it was gone.
I could get in trouble for this because we always have to double-lock our bikes!
So I felt really bad.
Later this evening Rosemary (one of the managers) told me that a manager from the Shelter City "stole" my bike and put it in our garden at the Willemsstraat.
Apparently he has done that several times before to show us that it's not safe to leave our bikes outside without locking them well.
Feel stupid right now. And I don't like it when people make me feel stupid!
So, I don't really feel a lot of love for that manager right now (even though he's right about the bike locking thing...).

The Bread Code

Today we had kitchen training and once again we were talking about our bread rules. There's a list in the kitchen called 'The Bread Code" and it's supposed to explain to us how we should deal with the bread in the kitchen. This is what happens:
We receive fresh bread from the bakery. We use that bread for lunch. The bread we don't use goes into the freezer. The bread that's left over from lunch goes into the "old bread box". Except the bread that wasn't set out on the table, because that goes into the "new bread box". The old bread from the "old bread box" is used in the morning to make french toast, but we also use bread from the freezer for french toast. So, is frozen bread considered fresh or old? Then there's the story of the bread rolls. We serve rolls for cold breakfast and when we have some rolls left we freeze some of them to use for hamburger meals in the evening, but we also keep some out of the freezer to use for hamburger meals in the evening. Makes sense, right?
It's all about figuring out what bread goes where and who is supposed to eat it!
So, I wonder how long it will take before the bread confusion starts again.
Then we can discuss it again in our next staff meeting...

Being Sporty

This evening we had an outreach night in our hostel. And we decided to play kickball in the park with some of the guests. Kickball is a bit like baseball (or "slagbal" in dutch), except that you kick the ball instead of hitting it with a bat.
Some of the people from our smallgroup made some cool posters for this night. One of them said:

"What do you think of when you hear the words 'kick' and 'ball'?
-Self defense
-A bad first date
-Caveman soccer
-An opportunity to meat hot chicks and dudes"

Or:
"Are you:
-Smart
-Goodlooking
-Funny
-Athletic
-None of the above?
Then you might enjoy a game of kickball"

So, we went to the park to play kickball. And I actually liked it, even though I suck at ballgames. I was in a sporty mood today and even started to think about leading a more active lifestyle. Hmm, I wonder how long this feeling will last. I will probably be back into lazy mode by tomorrow.
It was great fun, but the field we played in was full of doggy do and Aaron (playing barefoot) got some between his toes!!! Good thing I kept my (high-heeled) shoes on!

Looking for a hostel?

Such a funny thing happened yesterday.
I came home from work and when I arrived at the Willemsstraat (where I live) I saw a guy and a girl sitting in a car that was parked in front of our door. When I walked to the door the guy came out of the car and asked me in German if I knew where they could find a youth hostel to stay? I thought this was so funny! How big is the chance that you get lost in Amsterdam and end up in front of a building where 30 people live who work in youth hostels?!
So, trying to speak German, I told them I work at the Shelter Jordan and that they could stay there. This morning, when I work at reception, they came to check out, because they didn't like the fact that they couldn't sleep in the same dorm.
Oh, well....

Queen's Day!!!

Yesterday it was Queens Day in Amsterdam! And it was lots of fun!
The night before Queens Day it was Queens Night and Chrissy, Magda and me went to Leidseplein to dance. There was some kind of platform on which we were dancing and there were some professional dancers teaching us a routine. It was so much fun! It didn't bother me at all that people were looking at us, no one knows me here!
The next day I was planning to stay inside, because I really don't like big crowds of people. Especially when it's so busy that you can't even walk normally. I just get agressive and wanna hit people that are in my way!
But, I went out anyway, with Laurissa, Eva and Richie. It was really cool. There were a lot of people but I really liked seeing everyone wearing orange (except me, the one orange t-shirt I own isn't here) and there were tons of people with their boats on the canals.
We walked to Vondelpark where a lot of kids were performing and doing tricks and stuff like that. It's funny to see how people do things they're actually not good at (like singing), and try to make money out of it. Or the whole "sell your old stuff" thing. Sometimes it wasn't clear if stuff was for sale, or if someone just threw their garbage on the street!
But, on the whole, it was really nice!
So, how was Queens Day in other parts of the country?

No sandals!

This morning during our smallgroup meeting we were talking about our favourite passages in the Bible or things we recently thought about. Marco read Matthew chapter 10 in which Jesus sends his disciples into the world. And he also tells them not to bring stuff with them they don't really need (verses 9 and 10). It reminded me of a very funny passage from "The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Christian Speaker aged 45 3/4." Here it comes:

After these things the Lord appointed another seventy also and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. Het told them: "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest , therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Take neither purse nor scrip, nor sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road."
And behold one of the seventy raiseth his hand and enquireth: "When thou sayest "sandals" , Lord, do we taketh that to be an generic term which denoteth all forms of footwear, or focusseth thou in on sandals in particular? I asketh only because I possesseth an exceeding fine pair of walking boots, ideal for those who hiketh around as thou art indeed commanding us to do."
Before the Lord could reply, another breaketh in and saith: "Lord, I heareth what thou art saying, but behold, the skin that undergirdeth mine feet and also the feet of mine friend, Fidybus - he who maketh a pair with me as we getteth on well over long periods and always have done since we playeth together as children...Er, the subject of mine speech escapeth me..."
Jesus saith wearily: "Something about the skin that undergirdeth thine feet, and these of thine friend, Fidybus?"
"Ah, verily, yes, it cometh back now. The skin that undergirdeth mine feet is like unto that which undergirdeth the feet of mine friend, Fidybus, in that it very soon waxeth tender and painful on rough ground. And it just striketh us that the sight of two men who hold heavily onto each other and hobbleth slowly and painfully along, going "Oo!" and "Ah!" and "Ow!" whensoever they putteth down a foot, might cause those who dwell in the towns and places to which thou sendest us to scoff when we imparteth the news that the Son of God approacheth presently. "What state musteth his feet be in, if he cannot keep up with these two clowns?" they will mock. Might, therefore, Master, we ask thine blessing on the idea of wrapping strips of rag round and round each of mine feet and each of those belonging to mine friend, Fidybus? After all, strips of rag falleth well outside the dictionary definition of sandals, does thou not agree?"
And behold, an veritable babel of footwear-related queries filleth the air, and Jesus raiseth his hand and saith: "Hold on a minute, let me maketh myself clear. No sandals mean nothing on thine feet, all right? Nothing! Neither walking boots, nor strips of rag, nor tennis shoes, nor high-heeled slingbacks, nor Wellingtons, nor roller-boots, nor skateboards, nor anything that I mighteth construe as an sandal in the broadest sense of the word. Understandeth thou all? Good. Now, departeth thou in twos and..."
"Er, excuse me, Lord."
"Yes, Thomas?"
"Regarding thine command that we travel in twos."
"Yes?"
"Er, no one desireth to go with Thribbiel."
And the Lord enquireth: "Well, why doth no one desire to go with Thribbiel? He looketh all right to me."
"He's a bit funny, Lord."
"Well, we are all a bit funny, aren't we? Anyway, I invariably organizeth it so that we have even numbers. Who goest thou with, Thomas?"
Thomas replieth mournfully: "No one desireth to go with me either, Lord. No one picketh me even at junior school."
"Well, for all thou knowest, Thribbiel might desire to accompany thee?"
"I doubt it."
"Well, let's ask him, shall we? Thribbiel, dost thou wish to accompany Thomas?"
"Yeah, Lord, but canst thou ask of him that he cometh over a bit less negative? He can be a real Eeyore."
"Thomas, canst thou do that?"
"I doubt it, but, verily, I will try."
"Good," saith the Lord, "now mayhap, we can get on. Departeth thou in twos and..."
"Command Thribbiel that he be less funny, Lord. There existeth little point in me being more positive if he maketh no attempt..."
"Sorteth it out between you!" saith the Lord. "Verily, this whole affair beginneth to feel more like an Brownie picnic than a commission to establish the Kingdom of God." He pauseth to collect himself. "Now, I repeateth my command that thou departest in twos, take neither purse nor scrip nor sandals and do not greet anyone on the road. Now, go!"
But immediately one of the seventy raiseth his hand to ask the Lord if an small pink face-towel mighteth be taken, and that setteth all the others off all over again.
One enquireth concerning his personal toilet kit which fitteth nicely into an little pocket specially sewn into his robe by his mother, another pleadeth to be allowed an small stuffed animal without which he feeleth insecure at night, and yet another postulateth an situation in which he meeteth the Lord himself on the road, and querieth whether the command not to greet anyone applieth in that case, until, behold, there ariseth an great clamour of foolish enquiries.
Then the Lord shouteth for silence, and saith: "Look, I don't think we've quite grasped the theory behind this trip, have we? The idea is not that thou smugglest sundry items into thine luggage using as an crummy excuse that stuffed toys cometh not under the Oxford Dictionary definition af sandals, but rather that thou art dependant on me! Understandest thou that? No purse, no scrip, no sandals, no teddy bear, no Barclaycard, just go!"
Then a lengthy silence falleth, and just as Jesus believeth they are truly about to depart, an nervous hand raiseth itself.
Jesus regardeth the owner of the hand with narrowed eyes. "Yes?"
"Er, regarding thy command that we should take no scrip, Lord?"
"Yes."
"Well, er, to be honest, I knoweth not what an scrip is, Lord, and, wel, it worrieth me that I might er, taketh an scrip without realizing I've got it. So I just thought..."
On hearing this the remaining sixty-nine scoffeth loudly, laughing and crying: "Hah! Thou dolt! Knoweth thou not what an scrip is? Surely all possesseth that knowledge. What an div!"
Then Jesus gritteth his teeth and saith: "Very well, who can telleth us what an scrip is?"
Behold, the confidence of the sixty-nine draineth away. One hazardeth an guess that an scrip is "what you use in a play".
Jesus shaketh his head and saith: "All right, how many knoweth not what an scrip is?"
All seventy raiseth their hands.
Jesus emitteth an little sigh, and smileth to himself, and saith: "Okay, taketh the weight of thine feet. Behold, I commenceth from the beginning..."

Food for thought

I've been doing some thinking about food. Think I wanna cut some types of food out of my diet. Yesterday I had a conversation about food with Richie, Laurissa and Melissa. We were talking about yucky stuff that happens to food and it kind off grossed me out! I don't know if I wanna drink milk from the insides of a cow or eat eggs with blood in them, eeww!!! And after seeing loads of cute little lambs this weekend I'm not so sure about eating meat either. This morning I woke up with a horrible cramp! My insides were not happy today!!! I will not share the details of my frequent visits to the bathroom today, don't worry! I think I had either a small case of food poisining or I've been eating too much dairy products lately. I spend most of the afternoon on the couch in our living room. Laura bought me some healthy crackers with extra fibres and some drop, which was really nice! So, assuming dairy is the one to blame, I will try to see how thinks are going without milk and cheese. Might become difficult as almost all the food served in The Shelter contains cheese or some other dairy product. In a weird way i'm really looking forward to trying some soya products. I found some stuff on the internet about being a vegan, but that might be a little to radical for me. I don' t think I really mind stuff like wearing leather shoes and all. Although....poor cows, killed for our footwear! Wish I didn't love shoes so much! Secretly hope that i will also loose some weight with my new healthy diet! Food is pretty good here so I've been overeating a lot!