Krakow, here I come!

Yeah, I just booked a flight to Krakow! I'm going to visit Magda in May! I'm excited.
I love travelling. And seeing my favourite Polish friend ofcourse!

A bit better

I'm doing a little better. I'm going back to Amsterdam tomorrow and will have to start working again next week. I've been thinking a lot about what I wanna do with my life. It's not easy!
I think I wanna do some type of mission thing in the future, like work in an orphanage in Romania. I would love something like that!
But at this point I think I have to work on some personal things first. I feel empty sometimes and I think I should be recharged first before I can mean something to anyone else. I will take some counseling to work out some personal issues. Thanks for keeping me accountable (Cecilia!).
And at this moment I love living in Amsterdam. And I love going to Crossroads.
I think I'm gonna see if there's something cool for me to do in Crossroads.
And I'm trying to find a job for 4 days a week instead of 5 so I have some more time for God, my friends, and myself. So, I got a little more clarity on what to do.
That's good.
I'm happy.
Praise God!!!

The Analyst

I saw my doctor yesterday. He said I think too much (among other things).
It reminded me of one of my favourite songs by my favourite singer, The Analyst by Delta Goodrem.
Read the lyrics!

Prepare yourself to meet a girl who can not sleep
Dividing every question 'til the questions are complete
Every twisted tongue she studies everyone
She won't leave any stone unturned the night is oh so young

Oh oh she's travelling back in time
Questioning every line that someone said
Oh oh she's trying to understand

Free her mind she's always the analyst
Silent space the culprit the catalyst
Trying to make sense of her life
Digging around in the dirt she's a slave to the work
She's always the analyst

Can you be sure we haven't met see the eyes they don't forget
They wander through the passage-ways that tease a restless mind
Can't afford to slip the picture's gotta fit
Her world's a photograph that gets dissected bit by bit

Oh oh she's travelling back in time
Questioning every line that someone said
Oh oh she's trying to understand

Free her mind she's always the analyst
Silent space the culprit the catalyst
Trying to make sense of her life
Digging around in the dirt she's a slave to the work
She's always the analyst

Re-living the mistake she's made not a moment for the curious girl

Free her mind she's always the analyst
Silent space the culprit the catalyst
Trying to make sense of this life
Digging around breaking it down
Neurotic thoughts
Burning the ground
Every sight every sound
She's always the analyst

Doing worse

Well, I was reading some of my ex-shelter friends blogs and came to the conclusion that they all seem to do better. Which makes me happy!
On the other hand, now I'm not doing too well.
I think I'm over-exhausted or maybe even have a bit of a burn out. I'm seeing my doctor this friday to see what he says.
I'm staying at my parents house right now, I don't know yet for how long.
Lately I just had a lot of trouble sleeping, I have headaches, I have depressed feelings, I worry all the time and I just can't seem to relax. I find things in my life I wanna change and work on, and I just don't have the time and energy to do that. So everything just piles up.
I really hope I can rest and relax and figure out some stuff for myself in the coming days (or weeks).
Cause I have this constant restless feeling and it sucks!

I feel like a real grown up now, having a burn out!