I have two secret wishes. One is kind of realistic, the other isn't realistic at all.
My realistic wish: Becoming a Shelter Jordan manager
My unrealistic wish: Becoming a figure skater (like Irina Slutskaya)
If you could have anything you want, what would you wish for?
One of my favourite songs of the moment is "What if" by Lene Marlin. She's a cool singer from Norway. Here are the lyrics:
What if I don't wanna move on
If I like it as it is
Wanna keep it like this, for a while...forever
Just let me lie close to you
Don't wanna let you go, don't wanna let you go
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
What if I don't wanna forget
Don't want anyone but you
Believe me, it's true, for a while...forever
Just let me stay here with you
I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna leave
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
And I thought I could, let this go
I thought I would, but now I know
Now I know...
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
Am I subtle, or what? ; )
Marco wrote on his blog that sometimes you don't realise what you were missing until you have it again. That is so true!
This weekend I visited a bunch of people in the Shelter Jordan and at the Willemsstraat. It was so good to see everyone. When I walked into the Shelter I got all these big hugs from Tina and Katya and Meghan and it made me realise how much I missed them. It even made me cry a little. But it was so good talking to them. And thanks so much for the warm welcome!
I moved into my new place on Thursday. I almost typed "palace" instead of "place". Which would be suitable, since I am Princess of the Netherlands!!!
Anyway, I like it there. It's already starting to feel like home. I already had a bunch of visitors in the last few days. I love having company. So, please feel free to come over!
And this is Tommie after getting a haircut. Looks quite different now!
I got a haircut too, by the way.
It gives me great pleasure to announce that at me and Magda's goodbye party the penguin finally returned!
You guys take good care of him at Willemsstraat!
One of the greatest things of being home is our dog Tommie. He's so cute!
But he desperately needs a haircut!
So here are some "before" pictures, and tomorrow I'm gonna post some "after" pictures.
He will look completely different tomorrow!
if this is true, i thought then, what will i think
will i stay but rather i would get away
i'm scared that i won't find a thing
and afraid that i'll turn out to be alone, but i
i have to learn, have to try, have to trust i have to cry
have to see, have to know that i can be myself, yeah
and if i could i would stay
and if they're not, not in my way
i'll stare here in the distance
but i'll grow up to be just like you, yeah
i'll grow up to be just like you, yeah
These are some of the lyrics of "I would stay"by Krezip.
It's funny how some words in songs can start to mean something different to you, when you relate them to new experiences.
Today I went to my church here in Franeker. It was a good, but my head was somewhere else.
I look forward to going back to Amsterdam, but I'm also a little scared. To be alone...
I think the biggest thing I learned in the Shelter is how important relationships and friendships are. I always thought I was the kind of person that didn't need anybody to be happy.
Boy, was I wrong!
I also learned that God created us in this way. As relational beings. We want to be around others, because that's how God intended it. That's an encouraging thought. I'm not weird in longing for contact with others. The only thing is, I got so blessed with it in the Shelter. I didn't have to look for friends, they kind of came with the job. A package deal: job, house, friends. Wonderful!
I guess it will take a bit more work now. To keep in touch with people and to make new friends. Why am I so scared I can't do it?
I guess I'm afraid to fall back into the way "old me" was.
Shy, insecure, and not truly believing that people like me.
And it's easy to say: All you need is Gods love to be happy. Is it?
I don't know.
But I don't think I should let fear control me.
God provided me with a job and a place to live. I'm sure He'll provide everything else I need as well. Cause God is good!
Praise Him!!!
By the way, I'm reading this book called "Searching for God knows what"by Donald Miller. It's really good. It belongs to Chrissy, actually.
Chrissy: I'll send it to you as soon as I finished it. And I'll send you this CD with pictures that I promised to send you like 6 months ago! :)
Good Lord, I didn't think this would be so hard!
These are my last hours at Willemsstraat and it sucks!
I feel lost somehow.
But I haven't cried yet.
My parents are coming to pick me up in a few hours.
I bet I'll start crying as soon as I get into the car.
But there's nothing wrong with that.
I think I just need to process some things to get ready for the next step.
Which will be working and living in Amsterdam!
Get your excited pants on! (quoting Ryan)
Wow, on Wednesday I had my last shift in the Shelter. It feels so weird. I just didn't wanna leave after my last shift, because then it would be really over.
Ever since my last shift I have this strong feeling of fear inside me.
I'm just so scared that all my ideas and plans of keeping in touch with my Shelter friends will not work out and that I will end up sad and alone in my room in Amsterdam.
How do I prevent that? I don't know if I can. Of course it's only possible to stay friends with someone if both people want to stay in touch. So, that makes it something that's impossible to fully control. I guess it takes some trust and letting go. Which is so hard.
I guess I just want to secure my own happiness.
But I think I have to learn to trust God in this.
Please pray for me to trust and let go.
I think I'm gonna need it!
I'm reading this awesome book!
It's called "Captivating" and it's written by John and Stasi Eldregde.
John Eldredge is also the one who wrote "Wild at heart".
I absolutely looovvveee this book. It's all about the desires that women have, and our fears and doubts and where they come from.
It gave me some great new insights on things I never thought about before.
So, I highly recommend it for everyone.
Even men, I think it can help you understand women better!
On the other hand, I read "Wild at heart" and I still don't understand men! :)
